Mitchell Surprenant

Some of you might know I’m now tending to a beard. I’m keeping it short, and it will probably never be as luxurious as the beard I grew up till the day of Dave’s wedding:

But I’ve noticed something that bothers me about my beard. I’ve got red hair in it. There’s no other red hair anywhere on my face (or body) that is anywhere near this particular shade of red.

I would say that this is just a really light brown, but it’s very clearly GINGER RED and it only grows in certain patches. Does anyone else have this phenomenon? Should I dye it, or leave it as-is?

I know this post isn’t as incendiary as most of mine, but this is my blog and I decide the damn content.

Because I’m bored, I’m starting a new project. It’s called Billy Mays Chat Roulette. I use an image of the late great Mays in ChatRoulette and see how many people will give him the thumbs up. If you want to help, leave a comment here.

http://www.mitchsurp.com/billymaysthumbs

I had a conservative recently admit to me that he believes progressives are a threat to America. Earnestly and honestly a threat. That’s wonderful news, because I’m supposed to say NOW, FELLOW PROGRESSIVES! NOW IS THE TIME TO LAUNCH STEP 3 IN OUR PLAN TO DESTROY REAL AMERICA!

Yes, “Real America®” full of “Real Americans™.” My blood boils when I hear anyone talking about DC not listening to the “real Americans,” I wonder what that makes me? The teabaggers would have you believe that I’m not a real American because I believe socialized medicine and single-payer healthcare systems work cheaper and better for citizens over the “We’re gonna raise your premiums when we feel like it” system we have now.

They’d say I’m not a real American because I support the “Ability-to-pay” model of taxation.

I’m apparently not a real American because I don’t believe the free market is always right, and sometimes the government has to step in and create demand to fix it. This reminds me of my favorite joke:

Q: How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. The free market will take care of it.

That pisses me off. Why don’t my opinions matter as much as this lady?

Photo courtesy of marisseay on FlickR. Check them out for more teabag goodness.

This is that psychotic teabagger conservative logic that just baffles me. I’m insulted.

I know that real Tea Party members (I’m talking Ron Paul, not this bullshit populist “THANK GOD FOR FOX NEWS” crap) honestly believe in free-market principles and strong local governments, but I’d like to remind them that normally, the free market SUCKS BALLS. My favorite example from that last link is as follows:

The Exploding Ford Pinto: Ford knew for years that it would cost only $11 per Pinto to correct defective gas tanks that exploded upon impact. The company decided it was cheaper to let its customers burn and pay out damages to victims or their families instead.

That’s looking out for individual liberties, eh?

Posting this here because I deleted it from my PAGES on my website.

I’m borrowing a concept from Bill Maher, but the two are very different. I don’t claim to have ownership of the concept, but these will be posted here when I update either my Twitter or Facebook status.

Most of these “new rules” are going to be about customers at Walgreens, people in Lynchburg, VA or people I know. I won’t ever give any names, so if a new rule will apply to you, and you think I’m making it because of you, just accept it as my own view.

I don’t promise these on any kind of frequency — just as my life permits.

• New rule: If you decide to get reprints from negatives and you cut out each negative frame, I reserve the right to take forever.
• New rule: DO NOT HIT the photo kiosk. It’s not to blame for your shortcomings
• New rule: If I determine you’re not smart enough to use my photo kiosk, I get to decide when you can use it.
• New rule: Women, you are not allowed to wear low-cut shirts if your chest is more hairy than mine on a bad day
• New rule: I reserve the right to laugh inside if you buy a pregnancy test 2-pack and a 12-pack of condoms
• New rule: I and I alone reserve the right to physically remove the “panorama” button from your camera
• New rule: Jon Goselin is forever forgiven and should be awarded a medal for living with that woman
• New rule: Just ‘cuz we’re kinda sorta maybe friends (loosely) doesn’t mean I want to hear about your girlfriends genital tract infection.

Used SCIgen to create “Byzantine Fault Tolerance Considered Harmful.”

Googled that title and found this SCIgen article: http://bit.ly/1VhBNI