Mitch’s New Rules
Posting this here because I deleted it from my PAGES on my website.
I’m borrowing a concept from Bill Maher, but the two are very different. I don’t claim to have ownership of the concept, but these will be posted here when I update either my Twitter or Facebook status.
Most of these “new rules” are going to be about customers at Walgreens, people in Lynchburg, VA or people I know. I won’t ever give any names, so if a new rule will apply to you, and you think I’m making it because of you, just accept it as my own view.
I don’t promise these on any kind of frequency — just as my life permits.
- New rule: If you decide to get reprints from negatives and you cut out each negative frame, I reserve the right to take forever.
- New rule: DO NOT HIT the photo kiosk. It’s not to blame for your shortcomings
- New rule: If I determine you’re not smart enough to use my photo kiosk, I get to decide when you can use it.
- New rule: Women, you are not allowed to wear low-cut shirts if your chest is more hairy than mine on a bad day
- New rule: I reserve the right to laugh inside if you buy a pregnancy test 2-pack and a 12-pack of condoms
- New rule: I and I alone reserve the right to physically remove the “panorama” button from your camera
- New rule: Jon Goselin is forever forgiven and should be awarded a medal for living with that woman
- New rule: Just ‘cuz we’re kinda sorta maybe friends (loosely) doesn’t mean I want to hear about your girlfriends genital tract infection.